By the Big on Health editorial team, Ideas in Medicine Ltd.

This is not medical, legal or financial advice. Big on Health is a UK review site. For health worries, speak to your GP, pharmacist or NHS 111. If someone is in immediate danger or seriously hurt, call 999.

It often starts with something you notice on a visit: a fridge that is nearly empty, a pile of unopened letters, or Mum looking thinner than at Christmas. Age UK says family and friends can be deeply unsettled by signs that a loved one isn’t coping, and that one of the best things you can do is talk it over together. This page sets out the common warning signs, how to raise them kindly, the free assessments to ask for in each UK nation, and the options for help at home. We read every source on 20 Oct 2026.

Common warning signs

No single sign means your parent can’t cope. Age UK suggests sorting your worries by how much they affect daily life. Early signs can be things only close family notice, such as taking less care over appearance or not being as house-proud as before. More serious signs include not eating properly, not taking medicines and living in unsanitary conditions. Look for a pattern over several visits or calls.

• Missed meals or weight loss. Out-of-date food, an empty fridge or clothes that now hang loose. The NHS says losing 5% to 10% or more of body weight without trying over 3 to 6 months is one of the main signs of malnutrition, and that weight loss is not an inevitable part of old age.
• Unopened post or unpaid bills. Letters piling up, reminders or final demands. The NHS lists finding it hard to carry out familiar daily tasks, and difficulty with numbers or handling money, among possible early signs of dementia.
• A neglected house. Dust, laundry or washing-up building up in a home that was always kept well. Age UK lists a home that is less tidy than usual as a sign someone could be struggling.
• Missed medication. Full blister packs, doubled-up doses or prescriptions not collected. Age UK counts not taking medicines as a higher-level concern.
• Falls or bruises. New bruises, a fall they mention only in passing, or holding on to furniture to get around. The NHS says falls are more likely with age or mobility problems, and advises seeing a GP after a fall or if you are worried about balance.
• Low mood or withdrawal. Dropping hobbies, not going out, or not wanting to see friends. The NHS says older people are particularly at risk of loneliness if they live alone or do not have regular contact with others, and advises seeing a GP after more than 2 weeks of low mood.
• Memory changes. Repeating questions, forgetting recent events, or getting confused about the day or time. The NHS says dementia is not a natural part of ageing, so it is better to talk to a GP sooner rather than later.
• Driving worries. New dents or scrapes on the car, getting lost on familiar roads, or other drivers hooting. Age UK says medicines, eyesight, hearing, pain and memory problems can all affect driving.
• Personal hygiene. Wearing the same clothes for days, not washing, or staying in nightclothes during the day. Age UK lists these as medium-level concerns that affect daily routine.

How to raise it kindly

Age UK says no one enjoys being told how to live their life, and that a parent may not want to admit there is a problem, may feel ashamed of being a burden, or may fear losing control. Its advice for an open conversation:

• Don’t start by problem-solving. Hear their side of the story before saying what you think needs to happen.
• Ask open questions. Instead of “Are you eating enough?”, try “What did you have to eat yesterday?”
• Listen without judging. Defensiveness is understandable. It may be pride, or they may simply see things differently.
• Keep the focus on them. Talk about their feelings and worries before your own plans.
• Take it one step at a time. The aim isn’t to win. One agreed change is progress.
• Expect more than one conversation. Choose a quiet time and place, and take a break if things get heated.

Age UK also says it can help to involve a trusted friend or relative who is less close to the situation, or to ask a professional such as a GP, nurse or occupational therapist for advice.

First practical steps

1. Talk to the GP

Encourage your parent to see their GP, and offer to go with them. The NHS says to see a GP after a fall, about worries with balance or mobility, about memory problems, about low mood that has lasted more than 2 weeks, or if you think someone in your care may be malnourished. The GP may refer them on, for example to a falls service that can review medicines and check the home is safe. If the worry is driving, Age UK suggests encouraging them to speak to their GP or pharmacist about any conditions or medicines that may affect it.

2. Ask for a free care needs assessment

In England, councils have a legal duty to assess an adult who may need care and support (section 9 of the Care Act 2014). The NHS says the needs assessment is free and anyone can ask for one. Contact adult social services at your parent’s council. Someone such as a social worker or occupational therapist will ask how they manage everyday tasks like washing, dressing and cooking. The result may recommend equipment, home changes, a paid carer or other help. If help is recommended, a separate financial assessment (means test) decides what the council pays towards it.

The NHS says it helps to have a friend or relative at the assessment, and to give as much detail as you can, even about little tasks like turning taps on and off.

3. Ask for your own carer’s assessment

If you already help your parent, you may be a carer too. Carers UK says anyone over 18 who gives regular unpaid care is entitled to a carer’s assessment, however much or little care they give, and whether or not the person they look after has had a needs assessment. The NHS says you can ask for both to be done at the same time. See A carer’s assessment in the UK.

Four nations: who to ask

Carers UK says that if someone needs support urgently, the council or trust can provide services before an assessment has been carried out.

The options for help at home

Family help

Many families start by sharing the load: a rota for shopping, visits and lifts, help with letters and bills, or setting up repeat prescriptions. Make sure no one person carries it all. A carer’s assessment can recommend support for you, such as breaks from caring or help with housework.

Home care (visiting carers)

The NHS says a paid carer can visit for anything from an hour a week to several hours a day, or at night. They can help with getting up, washing and dressing, meals and drinks, remembering medicines, shopping and getting ready for bed. You can arrange it through the council if your parent is eligible, through a homecare agency registered with the Care Quality Commission (CQC) in England, or by employing a private carer, in which case you take on the legal responsibilities of an employer. Our guides Finding a private carer in the UK and Questions to ask before hiring a carer walk through the checks.

Live-in care

The NHS says some people need a live-in carer, and that some live-in care organisations provide carers who can give specialist care, including stroke or dementia care. It can be an alternative to moving into a care home for someone who wants to stay in their own home. If memory changes are the main worry, see Dementia care at home in the UK.

Whatever you choose, the NHS says a needs assessment is still worth having, because it helps you explain to an agency or carer what kind of help is needed.

When to get urgent help

Quoted from NHS and Age UK pages on falls, low mood and worries about an older person.

• Call 999 if there is an immediate risk of harm.
• Call 999 after a fall if they may have injured the head, back, neck or hip, or cannot get up. Do not try to lift them yourself.
• NHS 111 if they have fallen and may be in pain, injured or unwell.
• NHS 111 if you are very worried about their health or welfare but it is not an emergency.
• Call 999 or go to A&E if someone needs immediate help for their mental health or has seriously harmed themselves.
• See a GP after any fall, for low mood lasting more than 2 weeks, for memory worries, or for weight loss they didn’t intend.

For simple changes that make a home safer, see Preventing falls at home.

Related guides

• Finding a private carer in the UK
• Questions to ask before hiring a carer
• A carer’s assessment in the UK
• Preventing falls at home: footwear and simple changes
• Dementia care at home in the UK
• Live-in care in the UK

Sources

All read on 20 Oct 2026.

• Age UK: Worried about an older person
• Age UK: Worried about someone’s driving?
• Age UK: Homecare
• Age UK: How to help people live independently later in life
• NHS: Malnutrition
• NHS: Symptoms of dementia
• NHS: Falls
• NHS: Feeling lonely
• NHS: Getting a care needs assessment
• NHS: Carer’s assessments
• NHS: Help at home from a paid carer
• GOV.UK: Apply for a needs assessment by social services
• legislation.gov.uk: Care Act 2014, section 9
• Carers UK: Carer’s assessment
• Carers UK: Needs assessment
• mygov.scot: Your rights as someone needing care
• Care Information Scotland: How to get an assessment of your care needs
• mygov.scot: Adult Carer Support Plan
• Age Cymru: Social care assessments for older people in Wales (PDF)
• nidirect: Arranging health and social care
• nidirect: Assessments for carers

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